Having spent 32 out of 35 days sleeping in albergues across the camino, it is true to say that albergue life is a microcosm of society contained in a matchbox size environment. It is easy therefore to imagine the cultural differences, the linguistic acrobatics and the plain just shake of the head moments that occur. We have noticed on our 5 week journey through the albergue community that there are some unique companions that have passed by our bunks and shared our albergue dorm life.
Here is our Campanion guide!
The Roller.
This hearty soul dreams that they are in a tumble-dryer. Sharing a bunk with them can make you feel like you are on a virtual reality roller coaster, as their constant moving makes the bed shutter.
If confronted by the roller, a trick to entice sleep is to count the number of seconds between rolls instead of sheep, or locate their backpack, wait until they have wedged themselves against the wall or bunk bars and place the backpack on the other side thus securing them in position.
Cyclops.
This one-eyed beast erupts around 4.30am when their death-metal alarm goes off and they snap on their heap lamp. Forget about quarter/half beam, a full throttle flare pierces through your industrial strength eye patch to trick your retinas into believing it is midday. The cyclops will hover around the bunks, scouring for a dropped peg or scanning crevices for anything of interest.
Keep your ears open as your albergue buddies talk about starting times and once you have located a cyclops, wait until they journey for one last loo stop before retiring then carefully remove one battery from their head lamp (lamps are normally found under the pillow). You will still be woken by the death metal alarm but your eyes will thank you all the next day.
The Flaunt.
This liberal soul enjoys the crisp morning or late evening air on their body, especially naked and standing in front of your bunk. It is certainly an experience waking up to a saggy elephant trunk at eye level or a chocolate starfish winking at you. More disturbing is the re-adjusting bra, especially when one breast is thrown over the shoulder and then tucked into the DDD cup.
The flaunt is normally of European descent and suffering from alopecia and between the ages of 40-80.
The best way to deal with the flaunt is to cover your head with your pillow case when you first wake up. It may help to have a mirror in your hand, and ask them to talk to the hand so they can see their reflection in all its glory talking back to them.
FTS (Fail to shower).
This fuggy albergue creature comes with its own health warning that makes cigarette packaging look tame. A haze follows their every move, which, in turn triggers your gag reflex when they enter your vicinity. Your skin and clothes become impregnated with their stench. They are the major cause of bed bug infestations as the poor mites try to escape to a clean mattress like rats from a sinking ship.
Not really much can be done about these unfortunates. If you see them headed toward a certain albergue, best walk on to the next one. If you do get stuck with them in your dorm, always be alert to their whereabouts and be ready to hold your breath. Infact, pre breath holding and breathing through mouth training is an essential camino survival tactic.
The Orchestra
The baritones, tenors and sopranos of the albergue community. These beefy souls erupt during the wee hours of the morning or as the first morning light breaks through. The baritone sends tremors down from above where rippling vibrations can be felt washing across the surface of mattresses. The soprano with clenched cheeks, have trained their sphincter to emit subtle sounds in time with someone rolling over in their bunk or packing their pack. The tenor combines the depth of sound of the baritones with effect of the FTS. Their gag worthy performances are capable of bringing the albergue audience to tears and coughing fits.
The only true way to deal with the Orchestra is survival breathing techinque and use ear plugs or become part of the orchestra yourself.
Russell
Russell is a climate change denier, whose backpack is full of plastic bags. This environmental terrorist will unleash their pollutant on the albergue community at all hours. The noise emitted from the plastic bags bring forth a vision of a whale being harpooned or a sea turtle slowly suffocating on a belly of fake plastic jellyfish. Such sounds are the bane of the albergue community, especially as most camino travellers understand the impact climate change is having on wine production in spain and the quality of pilgrim meals on offer.
Russell can be tamed by taking a pair of scissors to the plastic bag in question or tagging them in pictures of dying sea turtles on the camino facebook site.
Not really much can be done about these unfortunates. If you see them headed toward a certain albergue, best walk on to the next one. If you do get stuck with them in your dorm, always be alert to their whereabouts and be ready to hold your breath. Infact, pre breath holding and breathing through mouth training is an essential camino survival tactic.
The Orchestra
The baritones, tenors and sopranos of the albergue community. These beefy souls erupt during the wee hours of the morning or as the first morning light breaks through. The baritone sends tremors down from above where rippling vibrations can be felt washing across the surface of mattresses. The soprano with clenched cheeks, have trained their sphincter to emit subtle sounds in time with someone rolling over in their bunk or packing their pack. The tenor combines the depth of sound of the baritones with effect of the FTS. Their gag worthy performances are capable of bringing the albergue audience to tears and coughing fits.
The only true way to deal with the Orchestra is survival breathing techinque and use ear plugs or become part of the orchestra yourself.
Russell
Russell is a climate change denier, whose backpack is full of plastic bags. This environmental terrorist will unleash their pollutant on the albergue community at all hours. The noise emitted from the plastic bags bring forth a vision of a whale being harpooned or a sea turtle slowly suffocating on a belly of fake plastic jellyfish. Such sounds are the bane of the albergue community, especially as most camino travellers understand the impact climate change is having on wine production in spain and the quality of pilgrim meals on offer.
Russell can be tamed by taking a pair of scissors to the plastic bag in question or tagging them in pictures of dying sea turtles on the camino facebook site.
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